Just To Feel That I'm Alive
by Snow White Suicide
Summary: Oneshot. Kai receives a weird phone call as Tala accidentally dials a wrong number. KaixTala or TalaxKai shounen ai.


A/N: I was listening to Guilt On Skin by Charon and was inspired to write this one-shot. Hopefully you'll like it. Please read and review, thanks.

Disclaimer: Tala and Kai are not mine but the story is.

* * *

I ran up the stairs towards his apartment, knocking over some young man in the process. From somewhere in the distance I heard him shout at me. Probably some insults but I didn't care. I had more important things in my mind at the moment.

Finally I stopped at his door, panting heavily.

_Flashback_

_My cell phone started to ring in my pocket. I frowned and somewhat reluctantly took it out. Tala's name flashed on the screen. That's odd, Tala hardly ever calls me, I thought. _

_I shrugged, "Yeah?" I said after pressing the answering button. There was a silence on the other end of the line. _

_Then a quiet, strange voice whispered, "You're not Bryan…" I raised an eyebrow at this. _

"_I know… Tala?" I questioned, totally puzzled. _

_A sharp gasp was heard, "K-Kai?" I frowned again. This was definitely Tala I was talking to but he wasn't himself, "Why did I call you?" Without properly noticing it, I fastened my pace a bit. _

"_Uh, how am I supposed to know that?" Again I was left with silence, "Actually it's good that you called… if you don't mind, I'm coming over to bring you the films I borrowed the other day."_

_Then Tala surprised me, "Yes! No! I mean… yes, I do mind, please don't come…" he sounded terrified. _

_Again I found myself frowning, "Are you all right, Tala?" And again I was walking a bit faster. _

_A soft thud echoed through the phone line, "No," he sighed, "Kai, I've made a terrible mistake…" _

"_What?" _

_Tala obviously decided to ignore me completely, "A lot of mistakes actually…" he trailed off._

_I sighed, feeling slightly irritated, "Are you going to talk to me or do I hang up so you can call Bryan?" _

"_Don't!" Tala cried out quickly, startling me, "I guess I have… something to say to you…" his voice faded away again. I opened my mouth but Tala continued before I could say anything, "I- I shouldn't probably say this but… it doesn't matter anymore does it?" _

_I blinked, "What are you talking about?" _

"_I kind of want you to know that I…" he paused, sighing heavily. After a moment of almost painful silence, he continued, "Ah… what the hell, Kai, what I'm trying to tell you is that I…" he paused again and to my great surprise I thought I heard a soft sob, "… love you." I was so startled I almost dropped the phone. I heard another sob coming from the redhead, "And now you hate me… I'm sorry."_

_Finally I was able to take a deep breath, "No, I could never hate you…" I said, still taken aback._

_Again, Tala ignored me, "But it's fine… I'll be gone soon so it doesn't matter…" his words hit me like a thousand daggers. I felt my eyes widening slightly. _

"_Tala," I whispered, "what exactly have you done?" A quiet, joyless chuckle was heard from the other end of the line. _

"_Just a few painkillers… for my headache," Tala told bitterly. My mouth had started to go dry. Tala never had a headache. _

"_A few?" My question came in a strange tone. _

_Tala chuckled a bit more, "Some… twenty something…" I gasped. Now I was running. _

"_I'll hang up and call an ambulance," I said, only hardly dodging an old woman walking her dog. _

_I was shocked by Tala's desperate sobs, "Don't please," he pleaded, his slightly indistinct speech telling me the painkillers had started to affect on him, "I don't want to be alone." _

_I shook my head, trying to make up my mind about what to do. I didn't want to leave him all by himself at a moment like this but I knew I had to call for help, "Tala, listen, I'll call the ambulance… I'm there in only a couple of minutes," I offered, "just… hang on," Without waiting for his answer I hung up and quickly started dialling a new number. _

_End flashback_

I started pounding at the door madly, "Tala, open up!" Nothing happened and I heard nothing. I stepped a few steps back and, thankful at the fact that Tala's door wasn't the most sturdy of kinds, jumped forward kicking the door in.

I rushed in only to be stopped by the most horrible and at the same time the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. Tala lay on his couch on his back, his right arm hanging over the edge of the couch, his hand holding his cell phone loosely. His already naturally pale face was now so white, so peaceful. His fiery red hair looked even redder due to the colour of his skin. He looked so… dead. But the most stunning thing was that he looked so beautiful. Death suited him.

"Tala," I whispered as I walked over to him, sitting down on the edge of the couch next to him. He didn't react. I shook his shoulders gently, still resulting in nothing. I felt anger rising inside me.

A slap. A red mark there where my hand had touched his white cheek. Now a soft moan escaped his lips and his eyes fluttered open slowly.

I could hear the ambulance coming.

Finally Tala's hazy eyes were open, finding it hard to fix into mine, "Kai?" his lips didn't even look like they were moving as he whispered. Tears started to form into his eyes.

"Shh…" I snaked an arm around his shoulders, lifting him up to sit. The cell phone fell, making a dull thud as it hit the floor. He sighed and leaned against my chest, too weary to even raise his arms.

"Can I… have one thing before I leave?" Tala asked quietly. Don't leave. That's what I wanted to shout at him but I didn't.

Instead I said, "Anything," I looked down at him, seeing his captivating blue eyes light up as he seemed to use all his strength left to move into a bit more comfortable position, closer to me. I instinctively put my arms around him so he wouldn't fall.

Now he smiled a bit and leaned closer, his light pink lips drawing mine into a tender kiss cautiously as if he was afraid I would shove him away. But I wouldn't do that. I decided to show him that by answering his kiss.

The kiss wasn't long, he pulled back pretty soon, letting his head fall onto my shoulder, "Thank you," I rather felt the words against my neck than heard them. I closed my eyes and tightened my hold around his body.

"Why did you do this, Tala?" I heard myself asking a bit gloomily.

I felt him smile against my neck, "Just to feel that I'm alive," was his dryly spoken reply before his body went limp in my arms and I couldn't feel his breath on my neck anymore. I buried my face in his hair, thinking about his words. What a stupid boy. I wanted to cry but I couldn't.

Soon in came a couple of doctors, taking Tala away from me. For a brief moment I considered protesting, not wanting to let him go. But then I realised they were the only ones that could help him. So I let them take him and put all those needles on him and make him wear that horrid mask to give him oxygen. It all disgusted me though I knew it was for the best. Maybe the doctors asked me some questions and maybe I answered. I'm not sure. But soon they were gone, not letting me go with them. Because I wasn't family, I was told.

After they had left me, I fell on my knees onto the floor shaking uncontrollably, the unshed tears running down my cheeks messing up the blue painted triangles. But I hardly even noticed this. There I sat, crying soundlessly until I was sure I could never shed a tear again.

Some time later that day, I received a phone call from the hospital. An overdose, they said. As if that was some news. That he was dead. I shouldn't blame myself for I couldn't have done anything more. But that was a big lie. There was so much more I could have done. I could have told him how much I loved him and that it was fine if he really needed to go. That I would understand. But now he was gone and he was probably thinking I hated him for that. But I could never hate him.

* * *


End file.
